Funny Old Spam http://www.tenuouslinks.co.uk/good-spam/blog 2011-10-16T14:13:05Z Idle Thoughts http://www.tenuouslinks.co.uk/good-spam/blog/idle-thoughts-25Oct11 2011-10-25T20:30:41Z I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed itI had amnesia once---or twiceI went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart. Now what?Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't... Good Spam What Mother Taught Me http://www.tenuouslinks.co.uk/good-spam/blog/what-mother-taugh-16Oct11 2011-10-16T14:12:54Z Mum taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE: "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning!" Mum taught me RELIGION: "You'd better pray that will come out of the carpet." Mum taught me about TIME TRAVEL: "If you don't straighten up, I'm going... Good Spam Wine Taster http://www.tenuouslinks.co.uk/good-spam/blog/wine-taster-16Oct11 2011-10-16T14:07:36Z At a local winery, the regular taster died, and the director started looking for a new one to hire. A retired Navy fighter pilot, drunk and with a ragged dirty look, came to apply for the position. The director of the factory wondered how to send him away. They gave... Good Spam Says It All About The Useless EU http://www.tenuouslinks.co.uk/good-spam/blog/useless-eu-01Oct11 2011-10-01T18:01:41Z All you Need to Know about Government Bureaucracy The following details the number of words in each: Pythagorean theorem: ............................... 24 words. Lord's Prayer:......................................................... 66 words. Archimedes' Principle: ............................ 67 words. 10 Commandments: ............................ 179 words. Gettysburg address: ........................... 286 words. US Declaration of Independence : ...... 1,300 words.... Good Spam Glorious Insults http://www.tenuouslinks.co.uk/good-spam/blog/glorious-insults-28Aug11 2011-08-28T19:42:57Z These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.. A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease." "That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."... Good Spam In Memorium http://www.tenuouslinks.co.uk/good-spam/blog/in-memorium-28Aug11 2011-08-28T19:26:49Z With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week. Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote The Hokey Cokey, died peacefully at age 93. The most traumatic part... Good Spam Abbott And Costello http://www.tenuouslinks.co.uk/good-spam/blog/abbott-and-costel-28Aug11 2011-08-28T19:11:47Z If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, 'Who's on First?' might have turned out something like this: COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you? COSTELLO: Thanks I'm setting up an office in my den and... Good Spam Who Said Footballers Arent Intelligent http://www.tenuouslinks.co.uk/good-spam/blog/football-quotes-21Nov10 2010-11-21T14:55:59Z "My parents have always been there for me, ever since I was about 7."David Beckham "I would not be bothered if we lost every game as long as we won the League."Mark Viduka "Alex Ferguson is the best manager I've ever had at this level. Well, he's the only manager... Good Spam The Xmas Season Begins http://www.tenuouslinks.co.uk/good-spam/blog/the-xmal-season-b-06Nov10 2010-11-06T22:57:42Z 3 men died on Christmas Eve and were met by St Peter at the Pearly Gates. "In honour of this holy season" said St Peter "you must each possess something that symbolises Christman to get into Heaven". The 1st man fumbled in his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He... Good Spam The Darwins Are Out http://www.tenuouslinks.co.uk/good-spam/blog/the-darwins-are-o-23Oct10 2010-10-23T21:10:01Z Yes, it's that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us. Here is the glorious winner: 1. When his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach , California would-be robber James Elliot... Good Spam The Derivation Of Woman http://www.tenuouslinks.co.uk/good-spam/blog/the-derivation-of-18Sep10 2010-09-18T14:09:11Z To find a woman you need time and money, therefore: Woman = Time x Money Time is money so: Time = Money Therefore: Woman = Money x Money Woman = Money 2 Money is the root of all problems, therefore: Money = +radic;Problems Therefore: Woman = (+radic;Problems)2 Woman = Problems... Good Spam Legendary Quotes On France http://www.tenuouslinks.co.uk/good-spam/blog/quotes-france-10Sep10 2010-09-10T11:59:15Z " rance has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country. France has usually been governed by prostitutes." Mark Twain "I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me." General George S. Patton... Good Spam Puns For The Educated Mind http://www.tenuouslinks.co.uk/good-spam/blog/puns-for-the-educ-02Sep10 2010-09-02T10:34:04Z The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.... Good Spam Brains Of Britain http://www.tenuouslinks.co.uk/good-spam/blog/brains-of-britain-02Sep10 2010-09-02T10:30:26Z BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2) Jamie Theakston: Where do you think Cambridge University is? Contestant: Geography isn't my strong point. Jamie Theakston: There's a clue in the title. Contestant: Leicester LATE SHOW (BBC MIDLANDS ) Alex Trelinski: What is the capital of Italy ? Contestant: France . Trelinski: France is... Good Spam